Snakebite
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: A crossover between a horror book I read called 'Deathbite' and Gundam Wing. A little close on titles, I suppose, but who cares? I talk a little too much in the first chapter, but other than that I think it's pretty good. It involves a 19 foot poisonous s


STOP!!! I want to say something before you begin reading. The next paragraph is very, very long and consists of nothing but me talking. If you want to skip about a page or two worth of pointless talk, skip it and go straight to the actual fic. And don't forget to review it. Thank you.  
  
Hello, people. I actually got so bored yesterday that I began writing this fic. With a pen and a fourth of an MGM Grand notepad. There was no computer in the location I was at. But then I was looking around the room, trying to get ideas, and I saw a book I read once. Deathbite. My titles a little similar to that one, but then again, none of the characters in this fic are mine, so why can't I steal the second half of a title? And I didn't steal it... The title I'm using just popped into my head. After I read about three chapters of the book to jog my memory, my memory had had enough excersize. Why the hell can't I spell that? I'm pretty sure I spelled it wrong... I used to never be able to spell anything wrong... I used to be able to spell anything at all correctly. What happened? Why can't I do it anymore? Oh, yeah... The middle of October, the year 2000. That's what happened... Uhm... Well, anyways, I didn't continue writing the fic on my little notepad. I stopped after writing the opening paragraph, and now I have decided that I don't want to use that paragraph. Oh, yeah, quick note before I start the fic... The snake I'm going to be writing about might be real. I don't know if it actually exists, or if it's just a fictional ariation of a real snake. That book was pretty damn convincing... And ya know how those damn people like L.A. Times or whatever put there little reviews on the cover sometimes? There was one on the back that said something or another about the book, I didn't really pay much attention to what they said, but in one of the lines was 'the worlds most deadly snake,' which helps the convincingness of the book to make me think that the snake is real. I hope it isn't, though... The snake I'm talking about is the giant taipan. It's the one in the book. I know that taipans exist in Australia, but they only grow to be like... Well, I don't remember, but it's like 8 feet or something. The giant taipan, however, is 19 feet long. It's venom kills in less than a minute. Or at least I think it does... I read that part of the book a long time ago, and I don't hae the book with me to see if that's what it said. But the giant taipan is 19 feet long, and the one I'll be writing abouts venom kills in less than a minute. And it's fast, and powerful, and I'd be sure to piss my pants if I ever saw one, whether it was from behind 10 yards of plexiglass or not. Whoa! I have talked a lot... Um... Well, I hope you don't mind my talking, because I've still got a bit more to do. I just got the book, so now I can read it and find out how fast the venom kills. By the way, it's a library book. Or at least it used to be, before it got discarded. So I figured it'd have a stamp or something saying whether it's fictional or not. It doesn't. So I still have no idea whether the damn snake is real or not. But, once again, I sure as hell hope it doesn't. Uh... That's about all. Oh, wait! No! There's more! About two or three hours ago I was watching CMT, and after a few songs, 'Angels In Waiting' was played. It pissed me off, and I'm feeling a little not happy. And now that you know just about every pointless bit of information about my life for the past two days, here's the fic...  
  
Rick, an OZ soldier, was pushing his way through the dense grassy area of an uninhabited island. "Damn Treize... Why the hell can't he just tell everyone he isn't dead? Well, the answer to that is obvious... If he did that, he wouldn't be able to make me go way out here, without a mobile suit, to deliver some stupid package." The grass behind him rustled softly, and he whipped around quickly to see what had caused it. "Oh... Heh... Just the wind... This place is really creepy. I mean, it's broad daylight and all, but this place is called 'Door of Hell.' That isn't exactly comforting..." The grass behind him quivered once again, but this time he payed no attention to it. "Don't be a coward. Some dumb old superstition shouldn't be enough to make you jump at every noise." Then a large reptilian head shot out of the grass less than two feet behind Rick, and it emited a hiss that would chill any living creature straight to the bone. Rick turned around, but the head had disappeared into the grass by the time he had done so. He wiped the perspiration from his forehead and stood still for a moment, still shaking at the thought of what might have been there. "It's just the wind in the grass, you idiot. You shouldn't be so damn scared." Suddenly, a blur of brown burst up out of the grass, and there was a flash of sunlight gleaming off of something white, followed by a streak of red on Ricks right arm. In less than a second, something had left a foot long gash on his arm, and he hadn't even seen what it was. Immediately his head began to swim, and his eyesight grew blurry. He saw something white mingling with the blood from his arm, and as he heard the sound of something moving through the grass yet again, he looked up just in time to see a forked tongue and two razor-blade fangs bearing down upon him.  
  
Duo titled his head and kept his gaze on Heero. "Um... The Queen of Sheba just robbed a crappy convenience store?" Heero glared at Duo and swallowed the food in his mouth. "I said 'I need to see if this mustard has any more.'" Duo nodded his head. "Ooookay, what did you mean by that?" "I meant that since there is no mustard coming out of this bottle, I was wondering if there is any left in it." "Oh... Well, if you said 'I need to see if this mustard has any more,' where the hell did I get the 'convenience' part from?" "I was choking." Duo nodded his head and was about to resume eating when he stopped and scratched his head. "Uh... Quick question... If you were choking, how did you manage to stop choking in less than a second, and, if you were choking, why did you continue the sentence afterwards? 'I need to see if this mustard has any *choke* more.' Wouldn't you stop and repeat the sentence or say 'I choked' or make some indication that you had done so?" Heero pointed the mustard bottle at Duos face and squeezed as hard as he could. A sream of yellow goo sprayed out and splattered all over Duo. "Oh, look, it DOES have more." Duo wiped as much of the mustard off as he could with some napkins, and then he grabbed the kethup bottle and aimed it at Heero. "Don't even think about it." Heero growled. "Too late, I already thought about it. "Well then just don't fo it." The second Heero finished talking, he was covered in ketchup. "Too late for that too. But don't worry, I won't help get it off." Heero stood up from his seat and slammed his fist into Duos stomache. "OW! What the hell was that?!?" Heero shouted. "What do you know... Math books ARE good for something!" Duo grinned. Duos grin faded as he leaned over the table and pressed his lips to Heeros. "I hope it isn't a bad time to bring this up, but I love you."  
  
Er... Sorry to interrupt teh fic... But I always do whenever just about anything happens. I just found a Lorrie Morgan CD, and I'm about to play it on my playstation. There's a song on it that I completely forgot existed. Up until a few days ago, I didn't know it existed, didn't know the words, and didn't know the title. Then on some commercial I saw the title. I still can't remember any of the words, but when I saw the title, it brought back a small fragment of a memory. Weird, huh? Well, I'm gonna play it now. And I won't write any more until it's over. Ooooohh.... Shit. I'm gonna cry. Cancel that, I am crying...  
  
Heero stared uncertainly at Duo. "Okay, the only explanation I can think of for what you said is the ketchup in my ears. But as for the kiss... I can't think of anything other than you decided you wanted ketchup. But that can't be it." Duo grinned again. "Well, I've got a better excuse for both of them. The explanation for what I said is that my mouth and tongue worked together to do what I wanted them to. And the excuse for the kiss is exactly the same." Heero laughed. His reaction startled Duo, and Duo fell back down into his seat. "I've never heard you laugh before. At least not a laugh that didn't sound like it came from an axe murderer." After a few moments, and with obious effort, Heero stopped laughing. "That had to hae been the worst April Fools prank ever!" Duo frowned as he turned and looked at the digital clock on the wall of the restaurant, which showed both the date and time. "It's April first? Well, that makes it a lot harder to make Heero take me seriously..." Duo muttered to himself. "Heero, that was no joke. I'm being serious." Heero wiped the ketchup off of him as best as he could and rolled his eyes. "Duo, you already tried that. If you're going to keep this up, at least try something different." Duo couldn't help but get angry. "Heero, I..." Duo stopped and grinned his largest grin yet. "I've got an idea." Duo stood up on the table in front of him and shouted for everyones attention. "HEY! Guess what, people?" Duo grabbed Heero and pulled him onto the table. "What the hell are you doing?" Heero hissed. "Not much." Duo replied, and then turned his attention back towards the other people. "See this guy right here? I'm absolutely head over heels in love with him."  
  
Treizes eyes lay focused on the screen in front of him. The light representing Rick had suddenly disappeared. "That's impossible. That transmitter wont stop unless... Unless the wearer is dead. But how could he be dead? There are no enemies out there in that sector. There's noone in that sector, with the exception of Shiro. Shiro has no reason to kill Rick, which leaves me with my original question of why the transmitter has stopped. Hmmm.... Hayato! Send three mobile suits out to sector thirty-two B immediately." "Yes sir!" Hayato ran from the room and signaled to three Oz soldiers that happened to be walking by. "You three, get your mobile suits and go to sector thirty-two B." The soldiers nodded, and one of them spoke. "What exactly are we to do once we get there?" Hayato opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. He held up a finger and said "I'll only be a minute." He ran back into the room Treize was occupying, but before he oculd ask, Treize answered the unspoken question. "I need them to look for Rick. Next time, wait until I'm finished speaking before you..." Treize sighed as Hayato ran out the door. "His excellency wants you to go look for Rick." The three Oz soldiers nodded again and ran to the mobile suit hangar.  
  
Hehehe... From Lorrie Morgan to Pam Tillis... Next should be Tanya Tucker or John Anderson... OOPS! Sorry, I'll write now! I didn't mean to interrupt! Okay, that was a lie... Things were getting too serious. I had to talk, lighten the mood a little.  
  
Heero closed the door to his house behind he and Duo. "Well, I have to admit, that was rather fun..." Heero said. "Yup. I told you it would be. Of course, my plan didn't inolve ketchup or mustard, but I had the whole speech planned. Not that it counts as a speech. It wasn't nearly long enough. It was more of an announcement. But still, I had it all planned." Heero rolled his eyes. "You did not have it all planned. It sounded terrible, I fixed it up a little while you were asleep." Duos mouth fell open. "You changed it? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter, it still worked. Hehehe... The looks we got were easily more than worth it." Heero nodded his head. "Yeah, I guess so. I figured out why you wouldn't let me take me gun as soon as I saw them. If I had brought my gun, I would have shot some of those people. A few of them looked thoroughly disgusted at the thought of a same-sex relationship. But some of the other looks were just plain funny." Heero laughed as Duo did his impression of a middle-aged lady who had had a particularly humorous expression on her face. "That was kinda scary, though. I was serious about your laugh. I didn't even know you could laugh. By the way, you kiss a lot better when you aren't covered in ketchup. Just thought you should know that."  
  
Heero turned on the tv, and the news was on. "OZ soldier Rick Leuse was reported dead today, his body was found in a grassy area of the island Naraka-pintu, with a large gash in his arm, and his head has still not been found. A venom of some sort was found mixed with his blood, but the venom has not been identified." Heero turned off the tv and turned to face Duo. "Pack everything you'll need for two weeks. We're going to hunt down the thing that killed that OZ guy." Duos face betrayed his puzzled state. "Why? Did you know that guy or something?" Heero shook his head. "No, but I know all too well the creature that killed him. It killed my parents." Duo froze in surprise. "It's a kind of snake." Duo was still unable to talk. "What are you so surprised about?" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "I... Uh... I dunno. What kind of snake was it?" "A taipan. A huge one. 19 feet long. It isn't like other snakes, either. It doesn't care whether you're leaving it alone or not. If it can see, smell, or sense you in any way, it'll move in for the kill. It kills without prejudice, and it is entirely able to do so. I doubt a whole army of gundams could stop that thing. It's the devil given physical form..."  
  
Weeeeell, I guess that's all for now. Sorry I talked so much... Oh! Wait, I can't write the ending paragraph yet! I have ta show ya something. Read these;  
  
Foremost among snakes large and dangerous is the TAIPAN. This snake carries more than twice as much venom as any other Australian snake and has fangs much longer than those of the Tiger snake. None of the persons known to have been bitten has recovered, and a horse died five minutes after a bite. It will attack on sight, and its actions inspire dread. - Cliffored Pope, The Reptile World (New York: Knopf, 1955)  
  
One more to go.  
  
Newspaper reports in Australia have endowed the taipan with almost supernatural powers. - Eric Worrel, Song of the Snake (Sydney: Angus & Robertson, 1958)  
  
Now I'll end this chapter. Hehehe... Well, hopefully you liked this chapter, and if you did, you'll review it, and then I'll write more. Well, not much more to say, except that after the Pam Tillis CD, I put in John Anderson. And the lemon drops I have taste really good. But I'm running low on my supply... I'm almost out! Not even a third of the bag is left... Well, that's about it. Except for the fact that 'Let That Pony Run', you know, the song by Pam Tillis, is kinda sad. And that's all. Except that I'm getting really pissed off, cause my boyfriend hasn't even done so much as email me for much longer than I would have liked... But that's all. Except for the fact that I got a gameshark, so now I can cheat even more in all of my games. And that's all. HA! You didn't believe me, did you? Well, good. 'Cause I'm not done yet. Just kidding. Goodbye for now, people! 


End file.
